It’s interesting to go through the stages of pregnancy because I can see how quickly the ebb and flow of nature really works. I am like an ocean with changing tides; inevitably I am always going to come back to a calm sea, but there are going to be waves, manmade disruption and natural disasters like storms in between.
For the past 4 days I have really had a rough go of it and while I am nearing the end of my rapidly short rope of patience, I am trying to gently remind myself that it will come around. I still have 6 weeks left which is not an encouraging time span. It feels like it will literally never end, but I know that 6 weeks from now I will be sorry I did not relish in the quiet moments when I could. It is all a balance and test of give and take.
Here are some ways I am trying to deal with it:
- Surrounding myself with strong female supports who have been there and being very directed and clear with my husband about what I need him to support me with (don’t leave it to be a guessing game, ladies. They don’t get it!)
- Going for long walks by myself and spending time alone when Iza is at school
- Laying in bed as long as I need to and not feeling bad about doing one more thing around the house
- Canceling meetings as needed and letting go of the need to do anything
- Writing for the sake of therapy and not work
Having a toddler makes it even harder
The hardest part has been the emotional upheaval of Iza. I almost feel as though she senses my hormonal and emotional shift and as a result her emotions have mirrored mine. She is a disaster of clinginess and desperation. She is hanging all over me and gravitating to one of our rooms at night (oh yes, we are sleeping in different rooms now so my tossing and turning is done without strain on our marriage), so none of us are sleeping and we are having a really hard time resetting our patience level.
What am I doing about it? I am trying to reason with her and negotiate her journey through all this too.
- I am trying to keep in mind that she doesn’t understand why I am upset and that the term “Zai” to her means belly. So I am giving her the permission to go through her emotions the same way I need to be supported.
- I am being patient with her realizing that she may not quite yet correlate that it is a human life in there and that mama is having a hard time supporting all the weight and the changes physically
- We are taking a bath together every night as a family so she can still climb all over us without having to lift her up
- We are allowing her the time to talk through and draw out why she is “scared”
- I am relying very heavily on my terrific new network here in Antigua, Guatemala to help take her mind off it with playdates and activities
Even in writing this quick little post, really helped me to relax my emotions for a minute. #5 is maybe the best help of all for me. Check out the post on Tips n’ Tricks for Coping with Baby #2 to get some insight on how to manage all of this, not just the hard parts.