The man cannot be quiet. I mean, he is flat out noisy and it makes me absolutely crazy. How can his balance be Zen Buddhist and meditate for a week without talking, and at home when all I want is quiet in the morning between 4am-6am (and have asked for it repeatedly), and he simply cannot make it happen. He is always interrupting me with a question, turning on a light or looking for something he should have prepared the night before. The problem is willingness, not inability.
This morning was a search for his Crocs. He was looking in his bedside table, in the corner, in the closet, etc. fumbling around and making a total array of noises. I wanted to grab his shoulders and just shake him and say, “Don’t you see me working here? Don’t you know that Iza is going to wake up in 20 minutes and this is the last moment of peace I will have in the day?” But instead I asked him to stop making so much noise. His response was a complete blow up (furthering the noise), saying, “Don’t start fights in the morning, Rache. Just live your life and I will live mine.” Wow, stinging words. I think what he meant was, “Don’t pay any attention to what I am doing, it is not your business and you should learn to ignore me and just do what you need to do.”
Should I? Should I learn to ignore his contribution to my morning, even if it is disrupting? I have been sitting here thinking about it and my conclusion is that he is right (sadly). I should learn to just meditate through is noise and be present within myself to get my needs met. I shouldn’t rely on him being any different than he is willing to be.
My needs can only be met by affecting myself as I need to and I am disappointed when I expect otherwise. I cannot control the world around me, and should not expect anything to be different than it already is.
But when my blood is boiling, and there is a Buddhist philosophy to note which makes me wrong as does this one, I want to jump out the window and run as far as I can. Perhaps there is another teaching needed here. 🙂
L E A R N H O W T O B E
My Uncle Craig gave this book to me when he heard that I was dating a Buddhist. I know he wanted me to figure out a way to sit and enjoy each moment for what it is, which he does exceptionally well.
Alan Watts stands as the godfather of Zen in America. Watts takes the reader back to the philosophical foundations of Zen in the conceptual world of Hinduism, follows Buddhism’s course through the development of the early Mahayana school, the birth of Zen from Buddhism’s marriage with Chinese Taoism, and on to Zen’s unique expression in Japanese art and life. As a Westerner, Watts anticipates the stumbling blocks encountered with such concepts as emptiness and no-mind.
Kurt has two Zen Brothers – Josh and Billy. Both are creatives in their own right and understand the importance of solitude and calmness, especially when it comes to child raising. Josh and his wife Leah gave this book to us when we found out we were pregnant. The book has been a lifesaver and given us a rule book to live by.
William C. Martin has freshly reinterpreted the Tao Te Ching to speak directly and clearly to the most difficult of modern tasks — parenting. With its combination of free verse and judicious advice, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching addresses the great themes that permeate the Tao and that support loving parent- child relationships: responding without judgment, emulating natural processes, and balancing between doing and being.