What a ride this year has been! We are so lucky to have two very healthy, crazy and wonderful little Brand babies. Welcoming Zai to the family has been one of the most spectacular experiences of our lifetime knowing that we are two and done, and he will be our last. Having a baby in the house is so special; sleep deprivation aside, the smell of a baby and the tenderness that we all feel towards each other comes through in Zai. His adorable squeals of frustration and his animal noises to bring in my milk are by far the single best experiences with him and so very different from Iza’s babyhood.
We asked Luis Pedro Gramajo to come back one morning while my mom was still here so we could capture this very raw moment in our home. Just 10 days in this kid really kept up with the program, while his sister flipped her wig at every corner in one colossal meltdown after another. How Luis was able to capture the total opposite of what was actually going on was pretty amazing!
In someways this is a very narcissistic display… showcasing ourselves and our offspring online and in social media. There is something strange about this moment; for the first time in our lives we really want to celebrate the experience of building our own family and somehow showing it to the world makes it real. What’s that all about?! Either way, it has been fun to see, document and express this moment. I am glad that we have been able to share it with our readers and our close friends and family.
What does it mean to be a nuclear family?
As soon as I had Zai my dad said, “Well kiddo, now you have the perfect nuclear family.” And so we do. By my definition of living the Ra’Co Life, in someways we all balance each other out – Iza and I crazy gals, and Kurt and Zai mellow dudes.
“Nuclear Family” by historical definition is meant to be a married man and woman and their children living under a common dwelling. Overtime this has shifted and in the last 30 or so years it has been used to describe a family with 2 parents and a boy and a girl. Sometimes people make reference to a “house, parents, 2 kids and dog” as the American dream family… which can feed into the same context as the nuclear family.
Gallery of photos
Many more pictures where these came from, but the ones below are a few of our favorites. For the complete download, click here. If you are interested in seeing the book we made for our Abuela and Bubby at Walgreens, look here.
He’s here! What a 40 week journey… and what an epic final push out into the world. (FYI all births are epic.)
I have always related the concept of child birth to journeying from space through the ozone… literally through a ring of fire. Zai’s journey is no different. At each step of development from Conception to Birth to Childhood and into Adulthood, the previous step is set in place to help you transition to the next level with your offspring. Birth is likely the easiest day you will ever have; a massive struggle and then a moment of terrific relief. Think of it like training for the “big game of life.”
Throughout this pregnancy I had become a vessel with 1 soul purpose: to create a new, healthy life. Now with Zai on the outside on my body we can say it was a success. He is sweet and cuddly, healthy and chirps like a little bird out of delight or frustration. He is making us all better people with his presence.
We set out on the journey of baby #2 with the anticipation of a total of 4 kids. Experiencing such a different pregnancy had me reeling from day 1 and I am happy to say that we have our perfect nuclear family with one of each sex. We are two and done. We started out the year in a totally different place in a totally different life on the road to discovery. Somehow along the way during the last 9 months we found a new home and a wonderful community we are excited to be in. Our work is growing, our blogs expanding and our personal voices are finding a sense of place in the world. It is really exciting and we feel exceptionally lucky to have both Iza and Zai.
Starting a week prior to delivery I had pretty regular contractions that never progressed. They started and stopped a few hours after each series. The contractions were like sledgehammers each time, which I later found out was because his head kept missing the birth canal opening (maybe as a result of having a cord around his neck) and was hitting a variety of other places in the proximity to the exit ramp.
Zai came as our amazing doctor said he would, though… on his due date: October 12th. I labored from 11pm onward on the 11th and by 7am I was having 3 – 5 minute contractions. We already had our Dr.’s appointment for that morning at 10:30am, but I was pretty nervous about Monday morning traffic in Guate so we left around 7:30am. We miraculously avoided all traffic and ended up getting to the office around 8:30am (literally never happened before). Dr. SanJose checked me and I was already 5cm dilated. Woohoo! He told us that we would have the baby between 3-4pm and to go to the hospital. He called ahead and ordered our suite and we drove the 2 minutes around the corner and “checked in.”
Hospital Universitario Esperanza is beautiful. The gardens are so lovely and it is situated behind one of the largest malls in Zona 10 in Guatemala City, but feels like you are in a little park and the birds are even chirping! It is set on a University Medical Campus. We had a chance to explore a little while I labored, always better to be walking around, and Kurt had a nice cup of coffee from a great concept called Gitane that I like.
We labored until about 1pm by ourselves with a great Gynecologist who came to check on us every 30 minutes or so. I didn’t even change until then into my birthing dress until Dr. SanJose came to check on us. He said I was 9cm and I would have the baby in another 2 hours. He did say that the head still had not engaged and it could be because the cord was wrapped around Zai’s neck. This sent me into a tisy since I didn’t want a cesarean if I could avoid it (longer recovery, less of an immediate connection to the baby, more money, etc.). Together me, Kurt and Dr. SanJose set to work and as a team we brought the head down by skillful yoga positions and hip sways. We ‘welcomed’ Zai with every contraction and Dr. SanJose checked progress as we went. Within an hour and a half he had engaged more and we were ready to rock with delivery. We still didn’t know where his cord was, but Dr. SanJose and our pediatrician Dr. Castañeda thought they had it covered. The pain was outrageous… 10x what it was with Iza’s transition period… but I was in it to “win it.” They broke my water and knew they had to act fast since if the cord was wrapped it would choke the baby without the buffer of the water around the sack.
In Guatemala the pediatrician attends the birth which is absolutely wonderful. Dr. Castañeda is Iza’s pediatrician, so we know him and feel comfortable with him and trust his advice. If you want to picture it: Here I am on the bed with Kurt on the left and my hand in his, the local Gyno Dr. Urrelula on the right with my right hand in his, Dr. SanJose at the bottom right watching the whole scene and Dr. Castañeda on the bottom left coaxing the baby out making sure the cord was not wrapped. It was a sight to see, I’m sure. Kurt said my eyes were literally bugging out of my head (from the pain) and I was screaming a number of profane words in English. What I felt in that moment was pain + a tremendous sense of security, presence and connection from all 4 of them. Kurt as my partner was brilliant – we took the Bradley Method workshop with Iza and had retained all the learnings from it, putting them into place beautifully in a pressurized moment. I feel very lucky.
The ring of fire was the most intense I could have imagined since Dr. SanJose pulled me back and had me hold through two contractions in the same position with the baby half way out. This was to keep from tearing and he slowly had me ‘bleed’ the baby out of the opening. It was INTENSE and definitely the moment of pure white clarity you don’t want to ever have. But it was silent in that moment, and the end result is this beautiful person; the pain is forgotten.
The Upside to the Pain:No cord around the neck and a perfectly shaped head as a result of it not being engaged in the canal until the last minute. A winning moment all around.
The beginning stages of a brand are crucial. It has to be a perfect setting with the right groundwork. Without it, you are already sunk before you get off the dock, so we know how important the branding of our baby is and we have not been light with the development of it.
When we found out that we were having our first baby in 2013, we would talk about baby names on our decent from Mt. Beacon… it is about 30 minutes down, so we had lots of time to talk. Kurt loved the name Zai and within minutes we were both sold on it so we decided that if we had a boy it would be Zai Stefan (after his brother’s middle name). Coming up with a little girls name made us crazy once we found out Zai was actually a going to be a little girl. I had a million ideas and all of which were shot down with force by Kurt, not being the right sound, arrangement of letters or potential nickname. Eventually, out of frustration, I tried rearranging the letters for Zai and it spelled Iza.
Not sure where this name even came from, but we assume through sounding out words. And as noted above we love the idea of Iza & Zai having similar names and sharing in the letters and sounds together. Living in a Spanish speaking country the “Z’s” are pronounced liked “S’s” so their names actually sound like “Eesah” and “Sahi.” We liked that these were translatable names to most cultures.
Zái in Mandarin means “at,” so by the nature of this translation it literally means for him to be in the present moment. We love that idea since he is a Libra like his cousin Marshall, and it appears is meant to be one of the most balanced Astrological symbols.
Kurt’s brother Karl is ever present in our lives and his middle name is Stephan, but pronounced “Stefen.” In most countries it is spelled instead with an “a” before the end instead of a second “e” so we went with that. Karl is a very important part of our family, mostly because Kurt and he have a similar disposition regarding their art and feed off of each other’s creativity, collaborating regularly. We wanted Zai to have the opportunity for creativity from birth and to feel empowered to always make things knowing that we will support his ideas fully. He may end up being an accountant or bartender, but we still like the idea that his roots stem from a place of choice for a creative life.
The last time we went into labor we didn’t anticipate needing anything other than a few clothes. We lived about 40 minutes from the hospital and it was our anticipation that we would be in and out of there (what did we know?). We were pretty quick (under 28 hours), but we missed out on having a relaxing experience with our moment-old-newborn because Kurt had to rush home and make us something healthy to eat and dehydrate the placenta. We didn’t have anything ready to go or organized and as a result we paid the price in emotional and physical exhaustion. It was almost as if we got to the point of exiting the baby in preparation and then forgot about what happens next!
This time I made sure to have everything from food made to a freezer bag for the placenta. We booked a hotel for Iza and my mom and arranged car transport for them after her school. We knew how long we were planning on staying and what our day looked like after we left the hospital. I suppose it has something to do with this being our second child, too. We know how to change diapers now, afterall!
Must haves in our bags:
Technology: Laptops, Speaker, Phones, All chargers (phones, speaker and laptops)
Clothes: Birthing Dress, Slippers, Comfy Pants, Nursing Bras & Nursing Shirts, Warm Fleece Shawl, Regular Clothes for Kurt, Clothes, Burp Cloths, Cloth Diapers & Wipes for Zai
It has been a rough road with Iza since the start of the 1st trimester. I know I was the problem, but it took me until now to realize exactly how I was the problem. The reason: I changed, and stopped being Iza’s Mama right when she needed me the most. I was miserable and as a result Iza felt the effects of the change through my emotional distance. We had our nanny’s work additional hours to help supplement the time I wasn’t feeling well and for months I laid on my back staring at the ceiling and not participating. Then we went traveling for 3 months and finally moved to Antigua. Here Iza has had me more in her life than ever before, but I have not been as active physically or emotionally connected. Now that I am out from under the pregnancy cloud I am beginning to realize just how different I was. I am thrilled to be back on track and able to be there and mobile for my little girl.
We prepared for how difficult this transition was going to be by doing a few extra special things for Iza before Zai came:
We made sure her bed was done and installed and she had a special space. We established an area that belongs to Zai, but showed her how everything integrated so she could see that they were sharing.
My mom came 3 weeks early to be with Iza and spend time with her and now she is her dedicated playmate, making her feel like she has a special support system.
Iza and my mom made a special trip to Guate on the day of the birth and stayed at a hotel so they could have an adventure together, go out to dinner and swim (they did come to the hospital for an hour, but that was like a side trip, not the main attraction).
As a gift, my mom gave Iza her own boy doll to play with complete with bottles and a diaper. Iza in turn claimed a bunch of Zai’s new clothes as her babies and is really enjoying having her own “Baby.”
Other fun and distracting games like the below DIY game.
Now that we are home we are allowing Iza to participate in everything from bathing to rocking to changing Zai.
Everyday I spent at least an hour just with her. In the morning I make sure Zai is fed and sleeping again before Iza wakes, so when she comes to snuggle it is just her and my time. Then we make breakfast together and Kurt watches Zai until Iza goes to school.
DIY Color & Shape Matching Game
My mom had an idea to do a color and shape matching game, which she crafted in Iza’s honor just for this special trip together. Essentially she created a board with a bunch of shapes and had a bag full of matching shapes to place on top. This is a common Montessori practice, so Iza quickly picked up on the project and mastered the basic level very quickly.
2 1/2 years ago we welcomed our gorgeous daughter Iza into the world, in someways igniting our life together and starting a family. Read the start of our journey with Iza’s announcement which shares many of the resources we used in preparation for birth (i.e. the Bradley Method, yoga birth and supplements).
The same rules apply and here we were graced with lots of luck. We had 3 terrific Doctors at our side and it was all due to planning and questioning the process.
Thinking of delivering in Guatemala? Call on our team (all thanks to our friend Katherine who bestowed this great list upon us)!
This was a great idea on my mom’s behalf. Iza has a fantastic game on her iPad which uses matching shapes, and she has really enjoyed it. She thought to make it analog so it was more tactile on with fun, sparkly shapes. She did this during Zai’s birth so Iza would have a special new toy.
Iza has these terrific blocks from Melissa & Doug that fit into a wooden box. It is a Montessori activity that she uses in her classroom as well, so she is very used to the shapes. We used these as the template for making the shapes so they were both familiar and easy for her to pick up.
Lay them out on a white piece of paper and trace. For every shape create 2 tracings so you will have a duplicate. Add in a paper clip on 4 sides to a stack of colorful paper. We recommend doing no more than 3 pieces of paper at a time to ensure it stays in place.
Create two piles of shapes and put one set in an envelope.
Note:Don’t screw this step up or your kid will go nuts looking for the missing piece!
Lay out all the shapes on a 18″ x 24″ board. Pick a material that is thick enough to not be flimsy, but light weight enough to be manageable for carrying around. If you a have an older kid you could go up a size to 24″ x 36″.
Here’s what the board looks like laid out. We just glued everything down with a silicone and then it was ready to go. In hindsight it would have been fun to add her name to the top like “Iza’s Matching Game” or something that made her feel like it belonged to her, but she really loved it.
How to Play:
1st level– Just match the shapes. Lay the shapes from the bag over the shapes on the board. We recommend keeping the shapes in the bag until they are placed on the board.
During our day in Antigua last Friday, I had the most interesting conversation about raising expat children abroad. The discussion was about raising children outside of our home countries and if they will have a grounded understanding of life on their parents familial soil as if it were their home country. All 3 of the women are part of blended cultural marriages; One was American and her husband Argentinian, another was British and her husband Canadian and the other was American and her husband Norwegian. While I can’t really relate in someways to their concern since Iza is still so small and we have only been here for a year, I can really understand their commentary. Wow! It is crazy complicated to even start to consider this.
In someways this is not that different from the situation with the Libyan’s fleeing their country for Sicily, or from the migration of Africans, Europeans and Britons in the 1800s to America, or from the Dutch’s journey to South Africa in the 30s. We as a human race have been migrating like birds all around the world since we had the knowledge of other lands. We have had to hold onto our own understanding of cultural traditions far beyond 1 generation and as we see the aging population and the promotion of American brands, we are beginning to see a homogenized global population. If we use Walmart as an example – you can nearly find a Walmart or Walmart owned store in every single continent, and in most countries. Likewise with Coca Cola products. Even our American culture is evolving and blending into a global culture, particularly with the very engrained Latin influence.
But in essence this mindset is becoming a less and less of an unusual situation. There are so many blended families and children living abroad these days, many born in the country they are currently living in. These three women have birthed and raised their children completely detached from their home countries and each have filed petitions for birthrights in two home countries, while maintaining a birth certificate from the country they physically had their children in. Since we haven’t had to go through this yet, I am taking their word for the complication and concern they have for their heritage being passed along.
The 5 combined children of these 3 mom’s are absolutely gorgeous. Unlike Iza who is blond and as Eastern European as they come (Kurt 100% German and me 1/2 German and 1/4 Russian and 1 /4 Polish), these children have sunkissed cheeks and an undefinable look. They could be from anywhere; some lighter or darker, some with blue eyes and others with freckles. It is fun to bare witness to such a tremendously beautiful bunch playing in harmony with their combined 4 languages amongst the 5 of them (Spanish as 1st language, English as 2nd language, Norweigan for 2 of them and Katchiquel for those who were raised here in Guatemala). They really look free, unburdened and happy.
But the question the women posed is a tremendously interesting one: will they still have a foothold and a grounded understanding of life on our familial soil? I suppose the first place to start is in breaking down which familial soil they see as primary for their children. With each of their relationships being from different countries, they would have to start with selecting which becomes most important to the family. Is it America or Argentina? Is it Norway or America? Is it Canada or England? Once that is determined, then it would be likely to assume citizenship or birthright VISAs, requiring them to go back and live there for a few years. It would require an understanding of their educational system, national anthem and general holidays, with a continuation of celebration of those holidays from afar (wherever they may be).
Something relatable has to come next and with kids this is a hard one. For example, if you are a die-hard soccer fan and obsessed with one of Briton’s premiere football teams, you may easily pass that onto your child and their country pride will live within that cultural tradition of British pastimes. If your spouse has a similar likeness for a soccer team from their home country it will likely become a competition and the child will have to ultimately choose between your two sports teams (or come up with a new one that he/she likes better). This could cause problems since country pride might be one of the single most important aspects of familial soil. So it is always best to determine as a family exactly what those individual elements are that define your family and belief system. It doesn’t mean that your spouse has to give up their traditions, but you have to ensure that the ones which define pride are related to the primary country you call “origin.”
Finally, the last piece of the puzzle is to ensure that the country you have chosen is one that will maintain a level of faith in your family. Currently the travelers fleeing from Libya are seemingly not interested in continuing to spread their country pride to their children due to the turmoil within. But a country like Guatemala is beaming from ear to ear with their win this morning of the resignation of their corrupt president and there is nothing but flags waving high above their heads. Faith has to be maintained and cannot waiver for too long in order to receive longevity of respect.
The Origin Requirement List:
Select the primary country to identify with as familial origin
File for a right to live there
Educate on core cultural attributes
Promote country pride
Build faith
Kurt and I are in someways lucky to not have a similar concern for our children feeling removed from their familial soil. We are both as American as they come. Both spent much of our childhood in Ohio and our adult life on the East Coast of America, both in Baltimore for significant periods. We are from middle class, Unitarian Universalist families and were raised with alternative thinking, mostly in nature. But what’s interesting is that while we do identify with America as our home, we have both left behind much of our familial origin for a different life. We are Zen Buddhist, live a mostly raw food diet and live in Guatemala. Hardly what we were taught or raised to be. We have been able to make our own choices in adulthood and in someways, some of the experiences and familial origins we were given have pushed us into that direction. We do still identify as American, but we always follow with Expats. So we are American Expats living in Guatemala. I think the 3 women would also agree that they identify as Expatriates from their countries, but again we are all still grounded with a “home.”
What the conversation with the 3 women led to was me determining that there needs to be a level of acceptance that our children likely won’t follow in the path we put out for them, even if we were in our home countries. They are children of a different community, their own global community. As Iza extends into her own future reality as a student of the world, she will be making her own choices. Even if we educate her with pride and build an American familial origin around her life, she can identify however she chooses. If she defines herself as Guatemalan in the future, she will have every right to follow the traditions of Guatemala and leave behind all that we taught her. Crazy to even consider, but honest.
Parenting without Borders
This is one of those concepts that changed my life path forever. Even if we never moved to Guatemala and maintained a lifestyle in NYC, it would be a concept I would follow; a belief that the world is a global, expansive place and everything in it is an opportunity to be taught and learned by our expat children’s fresh minds.
Years ago while I was pregnant with Iza I first came across this book that taught me nearly everything I know about expathood. It is called Parenting without Bordersby Christine Gross-Loh, PhD and her experiences changed something in both Kurt and I, shaping the next part of our journey. It was this book that drove us to leave Beacon and move to NYC full time and then onto Guatemala for a family adventure. It will likely also be a future catalyst for another change abroad as our children age into their tween years. We believe fully in the global experience… especially in this day in age.
Christine raised her children all over the world and as a Yale PhD she certainly had the intelligence and wherewithal to conduct a living study. So she did using her 4 kids as the subjects. She interviewed and observed mother’s all around the world in their natural habitats as they raised their children and documented the best of each cultural origin. Her focus was education, but as a component of education she showed the valuable supporting elements like play and friendship, language and cultural traditions. It is tremendously well written and enlightening.
If you are thinking or considering about an alternative lifestyle of any kind, Parenting without Borders is a great book to read and it will really expand your stance on education.
Combine Parrots, a playground, an enormous heated pool with a 6″ shallow end and wine and you get pure and simple magic for families. This place truly enchants us! They have a glorious outdoor seating area, a spectacular place to socialize and all the amenities you could ask for. This is truly a place that is family friendly.
We haven’t stayed at the hotel, but as far as entertainment goes, this is the place. We go often in the afternoons and have a little glass of white wine and bring our daughter to swim. If we just let her swim we don’t get charged. The playground is pretty much available for playing and the parrots are just next to the playground.
We often meet friends at the hotel to play with. It is so much fun!
If you are visiting Antigua this is really the only hotel to stay at. If you live here, why haven’t you been?!
Getting our kid to sleep is one of the most ridiculous rituals.
Now that Kurt has gone back to the Lake to finish packing I am on nighttime duty with Iza, which is normally Kurt’s gig and I am finding that he has created a pattern of insanity.
She requires the normal stuff – bath, brushing teeth, pj’s, 2 books and then her sleep sack just to get ready which is a chore in itself. Then due to her father’s coddling ways, you must lay with her until she is completely sound asleep. When I say sound asleep we are talking about:
10 minutes of babbling in the dark
Another 10 minutes of flopping around to get out unused energy
30-45 minutes of spooning in the nook of my arm. (If you move her too early she will wake up after a ‘cat nap’ of sorts and likely not go back to sleep for a little bit, or we have to leave her to cry it out for another 15 minutes which is torturous for everyone.)
All in it is typically about an hour and 15 minutes every night to get this kid to bed.
But in the last few days I have mastered the process by finding this perfect moment: Just when the breathing starts to slow and I can feel her body go limp in my arms, her death grip loosening on my hands, I can transport her to her crib and she will only cry/whimper for a few minutes. It is right around the 10-minute mark (into the 30-45 minute spoon stage), so that buys me at least another extra 20 minutes a night.
A few things have come up in my discovery of this:
I am super in tune with my daughter and her breathing now, more so than I wish to be
She is the most stubborn, willful child and there is an element of manipulation that I, as a mother have to give into in order to just survive the experience
Sleep appears to not be high on her priority list, but somehow it is high on mine
Playdoh is one of the best kids toys. It can be made quickly and it is simple to manipulate the color and mold into a variety of scenarios. You can also bake it if you want to make something last.
Here is a pretty solid recipe for a gluten free playdoh.
2 cups white flour (we prefer our own gluten free mix)
2 cups warm water
1 cup salt
2 tbsp organic canola oil
1 tbsp xantham gum for elasticity
Food coloring (we prefer plant-based ideally from berries)
Put all ingredients into a medium size pot and heat on low, stirring continuously. Mix to incorporate well.
When it pulls away from sides it’s almost ready and you should take some out to see if still too sticky; keep “cooking” it until it’s not sticky to handle.
Separate into even sized balls and add food coloring to suit.
Now you are ready to play! If you find it is still too sticky, you may want to incorporate more flour when you’re playing with it, which can be part of the fun process for the kids.
The playdoh works best if you refrigerate after use. Remember that this is plant-based without any preservatives so after a week test it before use again.
At any age, I can’t imagine enjoying car sickness. But for a little girl who can’t communicate yet how she feels, our hearts go out to her.
Iza has never been a great traveler. She is so full of energy and it is hard to contain it all. When she was little and we had a carseat, there was an element of containment but she still cried the whole way wherever we were traveling to. She just hated the car. Now that we live in Guatemala and we don’t have a carseat, we have a hard time containing her. I too am regularly carsick which gives me compassion, but also makes it very difficult for me to help her when we are on the road.
While our shuttle or plane is in motion, she is in non-stop motion as if she were at home. It can not only be quite easy for her to just fall off the bench seat or hit her head on another seat, but she also causes major distraction for the driver. To get her to calm down, this typically leads to us handing over her iPad so she can play a game or watch Baby Einstein. But then she asks for food and with her already fixated with her head down it eventually that leads to her throwing up. It has become a cycle.
The worst part is this is impairing us to take her on adventures – thing like the zoo or traveling to the beach, going home, etc. We just simply don’t want her to have a bad day so we eliminate travel from every activity we do. Obviously this is not a long term solution since we are a family on the move.
Here are some ideas:
Find a way to bring the iPad up to eye level with a holder behind the chair. This poses a bit of a challenge in a van because it has bench seats without the headrests. We could probably rig something.
Distract from food by bringing along unrelated toys and not having any food available. Focus on water. She loves stickers so maybe window clings or something that get her to look out the window.
Try to get her to sleep as soon as we leave. Give her cherry juice infused with mint to calm down her tummy.
Stop every half an hour and let her run around for 10 minutes. It will take forever to get anywhere, but it will ground her again.
Never go anywhere without Claudia. She is so good with Iza!
We know the logical thing to do would be to get a carseat and just let her wail. The problem is that it doesn’t negate her frustration (it actually causes it to be more), it bothers our driver and then we have to deal with the carseat as another piece of luggage wherever we go. (For the record we are aware of the safety recommendations and we agree with having a carseat).
The balance with traveling for us is to give her a little of what she might want, with a logical and practical need.
These days with Iza we just never know what we are going to get from one second to the next. This Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde behavior model is getting old, real quick. One minute she is all smiles and then next she is on the floor having a full-on meltdown. She loves to kiss arms when she is in a good mood and when she is in a bad one she will bite you as hard as she can. It’s difficult to know what you are going to get with her, and it seems to switch so rapidly.
Of course there are serious concerns with this too. The biggest is that Kurt and I both have diagnosed mental unbalances (although I maintain with medication and Kurt maintains with meditation) and we start considering whether or not Iza will fit in this category and if these are indications… and that is frightening and guilt-ridden. Could she be bipolar?
In actuality, we know that she is a baby and her brain and her body are growing at different stages. She is frustrated she can’t do certain things and she gets angry and crazy when she can’t figure out why things aren’t connecting for her. She lashes out at anything in her path.
The kisses are obvious to show love, but the biting is an interesting choice. I have heard of kids biting before, but it was certainly not what I would have expected.
I suppose we are nearly in the terrible 2’s and nothing should be expected.
[vc_row center_row=”” margin_right=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]When you have 8 grandparents you are bound to have a mix of all cultures. Iza is truly a global child being represented by 3 cultural practices. While we are not religious, our families have traditions which we share in, and our own joint practice of Buddhism. This year Iza will experience Christmas (and maybe remember it), Hannukah, and in the New Year she will begin heading towards a meditative yoga practice with us.
She is not unlike most ‘Homelanders,’ who are, by definition, melting pots of worldly experience. Iza is growing up with a knowledge of so many important traditions which are the foundation of history and family… a key element which has been mostly lost to those who grew up as Generation X‘ers and Millennials.[/vc_column_text][vcex_spacing][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row center_row=”” margin_right=””][vc_column width=”1/4″][vc_single_image image=”2944″ alignment=”none”][vcex_spacing size=”10px”][vc_column_text]Christmas comes just 1 time a year, and Easter seems to be a candy coated holiday for kids. Almost everyone on both of sides our family have some relationship to Christianity (except for the Ruby girls.) The Bible is an awesome read if you haven’t read it in a while.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″][vc_single_image image=”2945″ alignment=”none”][vcex_spacing size=”10px”][vc_column_text]I was born into a matriarchal Jewish family and as Ruby girl I am bound culturally. If your mother is Jewish, you are Jewish. What I love are the rich stories, filled to the brim with poignant cultural references and valuable lessons… and the fact that food is #1 in cultural tradition.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″][vc_single_image image=”2953″ alignment=”none”][vcex_spacing size=”10px”][vc_column_text]Kurt is a Zen practitioner and participates in daily meditation and sesshins as the Tenzo when he can get away to visit his teacher David at the Ithaca Zen Center. I have joined his practice in theory, less so in physical time, but it is our preferred daily commitment.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″][vc_single_image image=”2955″ alignment=”none”][vcex_spacing size=”10px”][vc_column_text]Religious exploration has been ever present in our lives. Both our dads have explored Unitarianism but are now staunch atheists. My mom also was a devote Unitarian for most of my life. We have been in many churches, temples and structures with spiritual teachings around the world.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row center_row=”” margin_right=””][vc_column][vcex_spacing][vc_text_separator title=”Unbiased Babe” style=”five” element_type=”div” font_size=”16px”][vc_column_text]We are lucky that we have a hilarious mess of a child – and in all her shining brilliance she finds a way to flash that million dollar smile to anyone who is willing to look at her and pay attention. She is one with the world and every person in it, without bias, criticism or question. When it comes to religion, culture or practice, she is going to choose what she wants. We are just educating her with various traditions.[/vc_column_text][vcex_spacing][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row center_row=”” margin_right=””][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”2956″ alignment=”none”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”2967″ alignment=”none”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row center_row=”” margin_right=””][vc_column][vcex_spacing][vc_text_separator title=”Books for Generational and Religious Exploration” style=”five” element_type=”div” font_size=”16px”][vcex_image_carousel items_scroll=”page” auto_play=”false” thumbnail_link=”custom_link” custom_links_target=”_blank” item_width=”230px” min_slides=”4″ max_slides=”4″ img_width=”9999″ img_height=”9999″ image_ids=”2961,2962,2965,2960,2963,2964,2972,2979″ custom_links=”http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1610393503/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1610393503&linkCode=as2&tag=racolifecom-20&linkId=3AYHFYFEQG7PVETP,http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143115154/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0143115154&linkCode=as2&tag=racolifecom-20&linkId=QSCLN5ZGGLHSZN3E,http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1433524767/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1433524767&linkCode=as2&tag=racolifecom-20&linkId=SCBJBUQTDT22LS6V,http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0671034812/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0671034812&linkCode=as2&tag=racolifecom-20&linkId=UYNHPBS2SDCVIBIE,http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1590302672/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1590302672&linkCode=as2&tag=racolifecom-20&linkId=WRBMIQGN5STVILRO,http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310286182/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0310286182&linkCode=as2&tag=racolifecom-20&linkId=LGVQRJQM2W6LQSRY,http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0807016179/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0807016179&linkCode=as2&tag=racolifecom-20&linkId=QWBU4DHWZV6WHKPY,http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003XKN6IC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B003XKN6IC&linkCode=as2&tag=racolifecom-20&linkId=OSJV4DJ22MKAVF6Q,”][/vc_column][/vc_row]
When you are a Brand unexpected moments seems to follow. Most of the time they are good and Although after the past 20 years of unexpected moments as a Baird and an Uchtman, we both believe we are so consistent these unexpected moments they have become expected in some ways.
Drum roll please… We are moving, again!
A series of problems in our current house including but not limited to:
Fungus growing on walls
Power caput for 3 days running and no refrigeration (required for Iza’s medicine, oh and food)
No internet
Kurt breaking his toe
Running out of water
No hot water (other than the bath)
Running out of propane (so not hot bath)
Scorpions
Mold everywhere so 2 of our 3 bedrooms are rendered useless (i.e. Iza has to sleep in our room)
Long rocky path, sick baby
So, we have to go. It is just not safe or smart to stay here. We need to be able to get into town to a doctor or a hospital or whatever we need it is not good to be on such a rocky, narrow path. It is also not good to have any of the above occur.
We have scrambled to find a casita which is local to Santa Cruz so we don’t have to move too far for the next 2 weeks. Our nanny Clara’s husband Jose works at a place called Casita Santa Fe and the owner Lily is from Mexico. Should be a great respite with good internet, beautiful grounds and a safe walking path direct to the boat. It makes more sense.
But the question still keeps coming up. Why do things like this keep happening to us? Is it our karma? Are we too idealistic? Is it something we are doing wrong? Probably all of the above.
We have moved around a lot. We are spastic in our changes and decision-making. We certainly are difficult New Yorkers to the highest level and demand the best. We are entitled in our approach to everything. Oh yeah, did we mention we are American? 🙂 (Kidding of course)
In a way we are glad to have life’s most interesting adventures because of our potential misgivings. When life throws us lemons, we ABSOLUTELY make the best lemonade possible. We are after all Brand’s and we have had a lot of experience! We will see how this move goes and perhaps in another few days we will have another new path to go down… but for today we are psyched to know that in the morning we have another adventure waiting.
I just returned home on Saturday afternoon after a full week of work, a crazy overnight of travel and a 3-hour car ride which included a funeral procession for 4.5 miles to an even bigger and more exciting weekend of issues.
For starters, when Kurt and Iza greeted me at the dock I quickly realized how bad Iza really was. She had lost about 5lbs since I left. She was pale, almost green and definitely not herself. She had a fever of 102+ and wasn’t eating anything. When we got up our trail to the house I looked around with fresh eyes…. there was this weird wall mold/fungus coming off all the walls. Kurt went to take a shower but the water was freezing, so we pretty much went right to bed to make sure we could get some sleep. In the morning I went to make tea and the stove wouldn’t turn on. The drinking water was kicked, so I just started to cry. Pretty pathetic, but I had almost hit the end of my rope – baby crying, exhausted from travel, thirsty, throat closing in… recipe for disaster.
After Iza woke we decided very quickly that she was sick enough for the Hospital. I went online to research and found a great hospital on the other side of the lake in Santiago. The number on the site listed an American number so I called it and Dr. Larry answered in Maine. He was home, but he frequents Santiago as it is a hospital he founded. So, with his advice we went.
We first went to Pana where I had an absolute meltdown and cost us an extra 2-hours in my mania. When we got to Santiago it was nearly 1pm and our Tuk Tuk driver asked us if we wanted him to wait. We said, “no” (although we should have said, “yes”). After walking up the walkway we kind of realized we were absolutely in the middle of no where. Walking up to the door it was was locked to the Emergency Room and immediately we got discouraged, but we didn’t really know what else to do, so we waited.
Shortly a nurse showed up at the door. She welcomed us and opened the door, showing us to the infirmary to Bed 3. There were 4 beds. (I am familiar with an infirmary from High School at Mercersburg. When you got sick you were sent to the infirmary where you had to be in a shared bed space which is far too similar to an army infirmary… totally depressing. You can just imagine 35 sick soldiers lined up on either side of the room. I think I went to the infirmary 2x in the 4 years I was there and 1x was to say goodbye to a friend who got kicked out for smoking pot.) Around us were a series of American-style equipment and books. Lots of tools and familiar mechanisms. I have to say… definitely a sign of relief from us both. The doctor spoke very very little English, but he had some Tz’utujil and Kaqchikel which are Mayan languages as well as fluent Spanish. Needless to say, we made do. We had to.
It turns out, after nearly 5 seconds of testing that Iza has an ear infection. So ridiculous that this had gone on for nearly 8 days at this point. Completely unnecessary. We got medicine and we were on our way. Of course we were in the middle of no where, so we grabbed the first Chicken Bus we found and headed into town.
Iza loves books. We have tried a thousand kinds of toys… potentially 1 or 2 will occupy her for 5 minutes, but she always loses interest. Books she reads cover to cover. We look at it as a blessing. What parent wouldn’t want their kid to love books!?
On the 1st leg of our journey we put Iza in her seat and an hour later when we stopped for gas, this is what we found. What a champ!
If the option is there, Iza wants to eat. She is definitely a foodie. She stares at us forever when we have something in our mouths… so here we go with a leaf in her mouth, happy as a clam. I would say that this is a pretty easy snack – wash it and hand it to her. Not a lot of prep time there!
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The ring of fire was the most intense I could have imagined since Dr. SanJose pulled me back and had me hold through two contractions in the same position with the baby half way out. This was to keep from tearing and he slowly had me ‘bleed’ the baby out of the opening. It was INTENSE and definitely the moment of pure white clarity you don’t want to ever have. But it was silent in that moment, and the end result is this beautiful person; the pain is forgotten.
Not sure where this name even came from, but we assume through sounding out words. And as noted above we love the idea of Iza & Zai having similar names and sharing in the letters and sounds together. Living in a Spanish speaking country the “Z’s” are pronounced liked “S’s” so their names actually sound like “Eesah” and “Sahi.” We liked that these were translatable names to most cultures.
Kurt’s brother Karl is ever present in our lives and his middle name is Stephan, but pronounced “Stefen.” In most countries it is spelled instead with an “a” before the end instead of a second “e” so we went with that. Karl is a very important part of our family, mostly because Kurt and he have a similar disposition regarding their art and feed off of each other’s creativity, collaborating regularly. We wanted Zai to have the opportunity for creativity from birth and to feel empowered to always make things knowing that we will support his ideas fully. He may end up being an accountant or bartender, but we still like the idea that his roots stem from a place of choice for a creative life.
It has been a rough road with Iza since the start of the 1st trimester. I know I was the problem, but it took me until now to realize exactly how I was the problem. The reason: I changed, and stopped being Iza’s Mama right when she needed me the most. I was miserable and as a result Iza felt the effects of the change through my emotional distance. We had our nanny’s work additional hours to help supplement the time I wasn’t feeling well and for months I laid on my back staring at the ceiling and not participating. Then we went traveling for 3 months and finally moved to Antigua. Here Iza has had me more in her life than ever before, but I have not been as active physically or emotionally connected. Now that I am out from under the pregnancy cloud I am beginning to realize just how different I was. I am thrilled to be back on track and able to be there and mobile for my little girl.
We prepared for how difficult this transition was going to be by doing a few extra special things for Iza before Zai came:
DIY Color & Shape Matching Game
