I imagine it is about to be something different. This girl I had just met, Rache asked me what she wanted for dinner and it was somewhere around $150.00, which she said, “No problem.” Then, I eventually realized what she had asked for and I couldn’t believe that was what she wanted to spend. It was a complicated experience, mostly because we just hadn’t worked out how to communicate with each other, but it was fun and we had a great time enjoying the process.
It definitely took a long time to cook this meal – I spent the whole day in the kitchen. It is hard making a gourmet Raw Food dinner for two. I remember at one point I was trying to get the top of the bulk Olive Oil container open and so I was using a knife. At some point, the knife tip broke and I couldn’t find it. I assumed that it landed in a corner of the kitchen somewhere under the counter, etc. Turns out it landed in Rache’s salad which she discovered when we were eating. She handled it eloquently seeing as I could have killed my future wife and I was cycling through all the options of how it could have killed her and I was just horrified at my carelessness.
There is a single painting that hung over the dinner table and I got to talk about my process. It was the first time in a while. Jan gave me a chance to talk about it for the first time in a long time. And it was great to have two people there that were so interested in art and food. It was a great experience. I was also really happy to meet someone that was willing to go out of their way to have a special raw food meal and art viewing.
My mom Jan was coming into town and I was totally excited, so I booked a day at the spa and a chance for us to go to Kurt’s for dinner. He was completely confused over the whole experience. I thought I was buying a box and then somewhere he changed it to dinner along the way. He was so flaky and confusing, but I was really excited to have him meet my mom and show her his work. It is so intensely beautiful from what I had seen on Facebook.
We got there a little late and it was dusk. Really gorgeous farmhouse and barn. Every room we went into I got more and more excited about what he was doing there. My kind of person, for sure. My mom seemed a little annoyed that we were so hungry and wandering around so I rushed the visit and we ate. Totally amazing food. We had the best Raw Lasagna, Crispy Fennel Arugula Salad and a sensational smoothie (with bananas, gross!). We gobbled it up, or rather I did. So tasty. I think I finished my plate in under 5 minutes, but I did run into a little shard from the knife and it was quite a bite! I imagined what could have been, but I looked at it as a way to connect together.
Walking upstairs and looked at Kurt’s work which was beautiful and my mom gave her educators / professional opinion. For some, it can be annoying, but Kurt was really patient and seemed to kind of appreciate the conversation.
Afterward, we all went downstairs and we did the dishes (mom and me) since we are helpers and we wanted to do something. Kurt just let us do it, which was a bit strange, but it was fine. He then brought out dessert which was a cashew thing… maybe with orange flavored? Like a custard. It was absolutely insanely rich and good. We shared one and it was wonderful.
We both knew, at that moment, that this was something special. What it was, neither of us knew…. only time would tell.
What a ride this year has been! We are so lucky to have two very healthy, crazy and wonderful little Brand babies. Welcoming Zai to the family has been one of the most spectacular experiences of our lifetime knowing that we are two and done, and he will be our last. Having a baby in the house is so special; sleep deprivation aside, the smell of a baby and the tenderness that we all feel towards each other comes through in Zai. His adorable squeals of frustration and his animal noises to bring in my milk are by far the single best experiences with him and so very different from Iza’s babyhood.
We asked Luis Pedro Gramajo to come back one morning while my mom was still here so we could capture this very raw moment in our home. Just 10 days in this kid really kept up with the program, while his sister flipped her wig at every corner in one colossal meltdown after another. How Luis was able to capture the total opposite of what was actually going on was pretty amazing!
In someways this is a very narcissistic display… showcasing ourselves and our offspring online and in social media. There is something strange about this moment; for the first time in our lives we really want to celebrate the experience of building our own family and somehow showing it to the world makes it real. What’s that all about?! Either way, it has been fun to see, document and express this moment. I am glad that we have been able to share it with our readers and our close friends and family.
What does it mean to be a nuclear family?
As soon as I had Zai my dad said, “Well kiddo, now you have the perfect nuclear family.” And so we do. By my definition of living the Ra’Co Life, in someways we all balance each other out – Iza and I crazy gals, and Kurt and Zai mellow dudes.
“Nuclear Family” by historical definition is meant to be a married man and woman and their children living under a common dwelling. Overtime this has shifted and in the last 30 or so years it has been used to describe a family with 2 parents and a boy and a girl. Sometimes people make reference to a “house, parents, 2 kids and dog” as the American dream family… which can feed into the same context as the nuclear family.
Gallery of photos
Many more pictures where these came from, but the ones below are a few of our favorites. For the complete download, click here. If you are interested in seeing the book we made for our Abuela and Bubby at Walgreens, look here.
He’s here! What a 40 week journey… and what an epic final push out into the world. (FYI all births are epic.)
I have always related the concept of child birth to journeying from space through the ozone… literally through a ring of fire. Zai’s journey is no different. At each step of development from Conception to Birth to Childhood and into Adulthood, the previous step is set in place to help you transition to the next level with your offspring. Birth is likely the easiest day you will ever have; a massive struggle and then a moment of terrific relief. Think of it like training for the “big game of life.”
Throughout this pregnancy I had become a vessel with 1 soul purpose: to create a new, healthy life. Now with Zai on the outside on my body we can say it was a success. He is sweet and cuddly, healthy and chirps like a little bird out of delight or frustration. He is making us all better people with his presence.
We set out on the journey of baby #2 with the anticipation of a total of 4 kids. Experiencing such a different pregnancy had me reeling from day 1 and I am happy to say that we have our perfect nuclear family with one of each sex. We are two and done. We started out the year in a totally different place in a totally different life on the road to discovery. Somehow along the way during the last 9 months we found a new home and a wonderful community we are excited to be in. Our work is growing, our blogs expanding and our personal voices are finding a sense of place in the world. It is really exciting and we feel exceptionally lucky to have both Iza and Zai.
Starting a week prior to delivery I had pretty regular contractions that never progressed. They started and stopped a few hours after each series. The contractions were like sledgehammers each time, which I later found out was because his head kept missing the birth canal opening (maybe as a result of having a cord around his neck) and was hitting a variety of other places in the proximity to the exit ramp.
Zai came as our amazing doctor said he would, though… on his due date: October 12th. I labored from 11pm onward on the 11th and by 7am I was having 3 – 5 minute contractions. We already had our Dr.’s appointment for that morning at 10:30am, but I was pretty nervous about Monday morning traffic in Guate so we left around 7:30am. We miraculously avoided all traffic and ended up getting to the office around 8:30am (literally never happened before). Dr. SanJose checked me and I was already 5cm dilated. Woohoo! He told us that we would have the baby between 3-4pm and to go to the hospital. He called ahead and ordered our suite and we drove the 2 minutes around the corner and “checked in.”
Hospital Universitario Esperanza is beautiful. The gardens are so lovely and it is situated behind one of the largest malls in Zona 10 in Guatemala City, but feels like you are in a little park and the birds are even chirping! It is set on a University Medical Campus. We had a chance to explore a little while I labored, always better to be walking around, and Kurt had a nice cup of coffee from a great concept called Gitane that I like.
We labored until about 1pm by ourselves with a great Gynecologist who came to check on us every 30 minutes or so. I didn’t even change until then into my birthing dress until Dr. SanJose came to check on us. He said I was 9cm and I would have the baby in another 2 hours. He did say that the head still had not engaged and it could be because the cord was wrapped around Zai’s neck. This sent me into a tisy since I didn’t want a cesarean if I could avoid it (longer recovery, less of an immediate connection to the baby, more money, etc.). Together me, Kurt and Dr. SanJose set to work and as a team we brought the head down by skillful yoga positions and hip sways. We ‘welcomed’ Zai with every contraction and Dr. SanJose checked progress as we went. Within an hour and a half he had engaged more and we were ready to rock with delivery. We still didn’t know where his cord was, but Dr. SanJose and our pediatrician Dr. Castañeda thought they had it covered. The pain was outrageous… 10x what it was with Iza’s transition period… but I was in it to “win it.” They broke my water and knew they had to act fast since if the cord was wrapped it would choke the baby without the buffer of the water around the sack.
In Guatemala the pediatrician attends the birth which is absolutely wonderful. Dr. Castañeda is Iza’s pediatrician, so we know him and feel comfortable with him and trust his advice. If you want to picture it: Here I am on the bed with Kurt on the left and my hand in his, the local Gyno Dr. Urrelula on the right with my right hand in his, Dr. SanJose at the bottom right watching the whole scene and Dr. Castañeda on the bottom left coaxing the baby out making sure the cord was not wrapped. It was a sight to see, I’m sure. Kurt said my eyes were literally bugging out of my head (from the pain) and I was screaming a number of profane words in English. What I felt in that moment was pain + a tremendous sense of security, presence and connection from all 4 of them. Kurt as my partner was brilliant – we took the Bradley Method workshop with Iza and had retained all the learnings from it, putting them into place beautifully in a pressurized moment. I feel very lucky.
The ring of fire was the most intense I could have imagined since Dr. SanJose pulled me back and had me hold through two contractions in the same position with the baby half way out. This was to keep from tearing and he slowly had me ‘bleed’ the baby out of the opening. It was INTENSE and definitely the moment of pure white clarity you don’t want to ever have. But it was silent in that moment, and the end result is this beautiful person; the pain is forgotten.
The Upside to the Pain:No cord around the neck and a perfectly shaped head as a result of it not being engaged in the canal until the last minute. A winning moment all around.
The beginning stages of a brand are crucial. It has to be a perfect setting with the right groundwork. Without it, you are already sunk before you get off the dock, so we know how important the branding of our baby is and we have not been light with the development of it.
When we found out that we were having our first baby in 2013, we would talk about baby names on our decent from Mt. Beacon… it is about 30 minutes down, so we had lots of time to talk. Kurt loved the name Zai and within minutes we were both sold on it so we decided that if we had a boy it would be Zai Stefan (after his brother’s middle name). Coming up with a little girls name made us crazy once we found out Zai was actually a going to be a little girl. I had a million ideas and all of which were shot down with force by Kurt, not being the right sound, arrangement of letters or potential nickname. Eventually, out of frustration, I tried rearranging the letters for Zai and it spelled Iza.
Not sure where this name even came from, but we assume through sounding out words. And as noted above we love the idea of Iza & Zai having similar names and sharing in the letters and sounds together. Living in a Spanish speaking country the “Z’s” are pronounced liked “S’s” so their names actually sound like “Eesah” and “Sahi.” We liked that these were translatable names to most cultures.
Zái in Mandarin means “at,” so by the nature of this translation it literally means for him to be in the present moment. We love that idea since he is a Libra like his cousin Marshall, and it appears is meant to be one of the most balanced Astrological symbols.
Kurt’s brother Karl is ever present in our lives and his middle name is Stephan, but pronounced “Stefen.” In most countries it is spelled instead with an “a” before the end instead of a second “e” so we went with that. Karl is a very important part of our family, mostly because Kurt and he have a similar disposition regarding their art and feed off of each other’s creativity, collaborating regularly. We wanted Zai to have the opportunity for creativity from birth and to feel empowered to always make things knowing that we will support his ideas fully. He may end up being an accountant or bartender, but we still like the idea that his roots stem from a place of choice for a creative life.
The last time we went into labor we didn’t anticipate needing anything other than a few clothes. We lived about 40 minutes from the hospital and it was our anticipation that we would be in and out of there (what did we know?). We were pretty quick (under 28 hours), but we missed out on having a relaxing experience with our moment-old-newborn because Kurt had to rush home and make us something healthy to eat and dehydrate the placenta. We didn’t have anything ready to go or organized and as a result we paid the price in emotional and physical exhaustion. It was almost as if we got to the point of exiting the baby in preparation and then forgot about what happens next!
This time I made sure to have everything from food made to a freezer bag for the placenta. We booked a hotel for Iza and my mom and arranged car transport for them after her school. We knew how long we were planning on staying and what our day looked like after we left the hospital. I suppose it has something to do with this being our second child, too. We know how to change diapers now, afterall!
Must haves in our bags:
Technology: Laptops, Speaker, Phones, All chargers (phones, speaker and laptops)
Clothes: Birthing Dress, Slippers, Comfy Pants, Nursing Bras & Nursing Shirts, Warm Fleece Shawl, Regular Clothes for Kurt, Clothes, Burp Cloths, Cloth Diapers & Wipes for Zai
It has been a rough road with Iza since the start of the 1st trimester. I know I was the problem, but it took me until now to realize exactly how I was the problem. The reason: I changed, and stopped being Iza’s Mama right when she needed me the most. I was miserable and as a result Iza felt the effects of the change through my emotional distance. We had our nanny’s work additional hours to help supplement the time I wasn’t feeling well and for months I laid on my back staring at the ceiling and not participating. Then we went traveling for 3 months and finally moved to Antigua. Here Iza has had me more in her life than ever before, but I have not been as active physically or emotionally connected. Now that I am out from under the pregnancy cloud I am beginning to realize just how different I was. I am thrilled to be back on track and able to be there and mobile for my little girl.
We prepared for how difficult this transition was going to be by doing a few extra special things for Iza before Zai came:
We made sure her bed was done and installed and she had a special space. We established an area that belongs to Zai, but showed her how everything integrated so she could see that they were sharing.
My mom came 3 weeks early to be with Iza and spend time with her and now she is her dedicated playmate, making her feel like she has a special support system.
Iza and my mom made a special trip to Guate on the day of the birth and stayed at a hotel so they could have an adventure together, go out to dinner and swim (they did come to the hospital for an hour, but that was like a side trip, not the main attraction).
As a gift, my mom gave Iza her own boy doll to play with complete with bottles and a diaper. Iza in turn claimed a bunch of Zai’s new clothes as her babies and is really enjoying having her own “Baby.”
Other fun and distracting games like the below DIY game.
Now that we are home we are allowing Iza to participate in everything from bathing to rocking to changing Zai.
Everyday I spent at least an hour just with her. In the morning I make sure Zai is fed and sleeping again before Iza wakes, so when she comes to snuggle it is just her and my time. Then we make breakfast together and Kurt watches Zai until Iza goes to school.
DIY Color & Shape Matching Game
My mom had an idea to do a color and shape matching game, which she crafted in Iza’s honor just for this special trip together. Essentially she created a board with a bunch of shapes and had a bag full of matching shapes to place on top. This is a common Montessori practice, so Iza quickly picked up on the project and mastered the basic level very quickly.
2 1/2 years ago we welcomed our gorgeous daughter Iza into the world, in someways igniting our life together and starting a family. Read the start of our journey with Iza’s announcement which shares many of the resources we used in preparation for birth (i.e. the Bradley Method, yoga birth and supplements).
The same rules apply and here we were graced with lots of luck. We had 3 terrific Doctors at our side and it was all due to planning and questioning the process.
Thinking of delivering in Guatemala? Call on our team (all thanks to our friend Katherine who bestowed this great list upon us)!
Thank goodness yesterday was a Monday… I don’t think I have ever been so happy for the start of the week to come! I was absolutely wiped out from 3 full days with a crazy, emotional toddler. My goodness emotions run high these days! I swear no two minutes are the same and the bouncing from happy to sad to happy to sleeping leaves my head spinning. But on the inside far beneath the facade of exhaustion, I am remembering and relishing in the tiny moments of each of our activities and I wanted to share our very occupied schedule.
This past Friday was a teacher’s development day, leaving a school full of kids and their parents without a place to go. Myself with a few other moms took it upon themselves to develop some level of entertainment to get through the 1st day which would have been our Friday, but then I was on my own!
Friday:
Make a mess while cooking a blueberry pancake breakfast
Spend an hour cleaning up the mess after breakfast
Swimming, playground and lunch with friends (for 5 hours)
Walk around the neighborhood
Saturday:
Early grocery shop, sitting front and center in the cart
Jump around in the car as if it was a playground
Skype with Abuela
Farm tour and find as many things that look like circles as possible
Talk about how Iza’s doll is scared of the mouse
Play with the iPad for far too long
Play with neighbors and then go for a walk and run into more neighbors
Take a bath until fingers are wrinkly
Sunday:
Put together a very complicated shelving unit and hide all the screw backs from mommy
Spend 2 hours looking for the screw backs
Long walk around the neighborhood and fill the stroller up with dirt
Hug a tree
Float around the house like a butterfly (with one broken wing)
Paint a picture
Talk about how yesterday the swing backfired and hit her in the head
Reorganize toy baskets
Take a ridiculously long nap
I spent quite a bit of time researching ahead of time, so I now have a pretty long list of options for our next school closing. This was definitely a trying weekend for me with being pregnant and my poor toes on my right foot feel broken from all the running around after Iza (with the added weight of Zai), but there were wonderfully fun moments embedded into it. I relish in the simple things with this little lady. She is at a very fun age, full of discovery… I get to be apart of that discovery!
Highlights from the 3 Days:
Porta Hotel Antigua for swimming and playground with friends: This is a wonderful pool with a center section that has just about 4″ of water. Perfect for a toddler who wants to get wet, but is not a super fan of wet hair. Oh! And it’s heated. The playground is really an exceptional treat. Iza was just like a big kid playing with Maya Lily.
Farm Tour at Caoba Farms: The beautiful and serene backdrop is not a joke. We regularly walk the grounds to just enjoy the scenery and to see what is popping up next. Here are our salad greens! Iza likes to find the macadamia shells that have cracked open and pair them together.
Walking with Neighbors: We love to walk with the Mercer’s in the afternoons, but this Saturday we were fortunate to run into some of Iza’s other classmates. Adoi is in her class and believe it or not he is 6 months younger than her. The kid is absolutely adorable, and very tall. When Iza saw him she went running right up to him!
Dancing like a butterfly: Wings are essential for any little girl – so she can fly! What a fun moment to capture on camera. Iza demanded her “corte” (Spanish word for skirt) and her wings from me, but found the hat in her dress up box all on her own. Coupled with her WHO shirt, I think this kid has some serious style. Our friend Nikki makes these wings if you are interested in them!
Hug a Tree: This is an image from one of the first times we witnessed Iza hugging trees. She just ran right up to them and wrapped her cute little body all over the tree. There has to be something psychologically rewarding about hugging a natural element. Maya Lily and Noah (wonderful neighbors and friends) quickly caught onto the movement and helped to paint the perfect picture of happy children in nature.
Painting a picture: More like painting with water and a little color! This gal absolutely loves to see water mess something up. Water color paints are by far the best choice and this is a great set provided by my artist mother Jan Ruby-Crystal.
Taking a nap with Mama: While there was a kick, fight and scream leading up to this perfectly tranquil moment, it was pure heaven for me to be laying with Iza for a 2+ hour nap on Sunday. She is just so squishy and her trust implicit. I love that she is still able to just fall apart in my arms. I know soon that moment will be gone, so I am taking all I can get right now.
No matter what, I can know anything within an hour through the Ruby Express.
My cousin Ali is my confidant. She understands the unique nature of our family and at the same time as she is negotiating life as a new mother. We have grown up together, but apart in distance – She in Berkeley, CA and me somewhere in the Midwest or East Coast. We shared many irregular visits over the years whether in Florida or California, but with our slight age difference we had little ‘friend’ connection until we grew up.
Like my Aunt Beth, I am very close to Ali’s mom Aunt Gloria (i.e. Auntie Glo-Bug). She is my resource for all life’s challenges, psychological concerns, etc. She is very trusted and her relationship with Ali is very close. She has become the most amazing grandmother and is made for the role.
Within our family, we have a hierarchy by age. It is pretty normal for a Jewish family. When something happens, an hour later EVERYONE knows about it. Ali once coined it the “Ruby Express.” Ruby was my grandfather’s last name and all our mother’s maiden names and there is a certain way that Ruby-girl acts. They have this fire under their ass for ambition an is full of nervous energy. But they have the kindest, most generous hearts. They all have prematurely gray hair (now white) and overwhelmingly warm smiles with kind eyes. They are the best example of the quintessential Jewish matriarchal family.
There is some hardship to being a Ruby Girl; darkness within that nervous ambition which promotes direct conflict between what you want and what you are supposed to do.
“…[our] family creates narratives to some degree, but we aren’t just stories, we are all actually profound set of experiences that are constantly moving, evolving, growing, changing. one minute we are something and the next something else.” Ali wrote this to me recently. It is one of the most poignant statements anyone has ever said about our family, in defense to our generation’s inability for autonomy.
Babies have changed the Ruby Girls and the above statement applies less. In some ways, Ali and I are now released from the high-pressure obligations that have been set on us since birth and our mothers have found new roles. We have provided additional ‘train cars’ to the Ruby Girl Express; two little perfect girls, with fresh and virgin hearts, capable of absolutely anything, who will evolve into their own people, with the support, love, and care of shiny and bright Ruby’s.
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