Connecting for the first time for us was quite a while ride. On the agenda: lots of drinking… dancing and some randomness.
It was such an interesting moment. Rache had her house at the most optimum level of sweetness: candles burning, appetizers out, snifters of scotch ready to go. It was a bit like a vegan porno scene, ready to happen. Kurt strolled in with his bowler cap, a little tip of a toothpick sticking out of the top and his skinny jeans in boots. He rocked the euro-artist style all the way.
Lots to chat about and our evening came and went quickly. Hours on the dance floor turned into a hot and sweaty mess… Rache confident from her lack of interest in men, Kurt intrigued by the moment.
The Nights Recipe
Food at Rache’s Lake House (left over from the day before), with 2 glasses of scotch
Friday Night Macrodinner, with a bottle of red wine
Every bar in Ithaca… especially in a college town… and then again. Tequila all around!
Ending at the State Street Diner for a night of gorging on egg white omelets and extra crispy potatoes.
Over the years we have replayed this moment anytime we were missing each other and desired a connecting moment. Really we have a specific way!
Not bad for a night out with two raw food chefs. Kurt left in a hurried, drunken stupor after slamming Rache’s mouth with a kiss. Connecting in a wild way. Totally bizarre night leaving both of us wanting more.
He’s here! What a 40 week journey… and what an epic final push out into the world. (FYI all births are epic.)
I have always related the concept of child birth to journeying from space through the ozone… literally through a ring of fire. Zai’s journey is no different. At each step of development from Conception to Birth to Childhood and into Adulthood, the previous step is set in place to help you transition to the next level with your offspring. Birth is likely the easiest day you will ever have; a massive struggle and then a moment of terrific relief. Think of it like training for the “big game of life.”
Throughout this pregnancy I had become a vessel with 1 soul purpose: to create a new, healthy life. Now with Zai on the outside on my body we can say it was a success. He is sweet and cuddly, healthy and chirps like a little bird out of delight or frustration. He is making us all better people with his presence.
We set out on the journey of baby #2 with the anticipation of a total of 4 kids. Experiencing such a different pregnancy had me reeling from day 1 and I am happy to say that we have our perfect nuclear family with one of each sex. We are two and done. We started out the year in a totally different place in a totally different life on the road to discovery. Somehow along the way during the last 9 months we found a new home and a wonderful community we are excited to be in. Our work is growing, our blogs expanding and our personal voices are finding a sense of place in the world. It is really exciting and we feel exceptionally lucky to have both Iza and Zai.
Starting a week prior to delivery I had pretty regular contractions that never progressed. They started and stopped a few hours after each series. The contractions were like sledgehammers each time, which I later found out was because his head kept missing the birth canal opening (maybe as a result of having a cord around his neck) and was hitting a variety of other places in the proximity to the exit ramp.
Zai came as our amazing doctor said he would, though… on his due date: October 12th. I labored from 11pm onward on the 11th and by 7am I was having 3 – 5 minute contractions. We already had our Dr.’s appointment for that morning at 10:30am, but I was pretty nervous about Monday morning traffic in Guate so we left around 7:30am. We miraculously avoided all traffic and ended up getting to the office around 8:30am (literally never happened before). Dr. SanJose checked me and I was already 5cm dilated. Woohoo! He told us that we would have the baby between 3-4pm and to go to the hospital. He called ahead and ordered our suite and we drove the 2 minutes around the corner and “checked in.”
Hospital Universitario Esperanza is beautiful. The gardens are so lovely and it is situated behind one of the largest malls in Zona 10 in Guatemala City, but feels like you are in a little park and the birds are even chirping! It is set on a University Medical Campus. We had a chance to explore a little while I labored, always better to be walking around, and Kurt had a nice cup of coffee from a great concept called Gitane that I like.
We labored until about 1pm by ourselves with a great Gynecologist who came to check on us every 30 minutes or so. I didn’t even change until then into my birthing dress until Dr. SanJose came to check on us. He said I was 9cm and I would have the baby in another 2 hours. He did say that the head still had not engaged and it could be because the cord was wrapped around Zai’s neck. This sent me into a tisy since I didn’t want a cesarean if I could avoid it (longer recovery, less of an immediate connection to the baby, more money, etc.). Together me, Kurt and Dr. SanJose set to work and as a team we brought the head down by skillful yoga positions and hip sways. We ‘welcomed’ Zai with every contraction and Dr. SanJose checked progress as we went. Within an hour and a half he had engaged more and we were ready to rock with delivery. We still didn’t know where his cord was, but Dr. SanJose and our pediatrician Dr. Castañeda thought they had it covered. The pain was outrageous… 10x what it was with Iza’s transition period… but I was in it to “win it.” They broke my water and knew they had to act fast since if the cord was wrapped it would choke the baby without the buffer of the water around the sack.
In Guatemala the pediatrician attends the birth which is absolutely wonderful. Dr. Castañeda is Iza’s pediatrician, so we know him and feel comfortable with him and trust his advice. If you want to picture it: Here I am on the bed with Kurt on the left and my hand in his, the local Gyno Dr. Urrelula on the right with my right hand in his, Dr. SanJose at the bottom right watching the whole scene and Dr. Castañeda on the bottom left coaxing the baby out making sure the cord was not wrapped. It was a sight to see, I’m sure. Kurt said my eyes were literally bugging out of my head (from the pain) and I was screaming a number of profane words in English. What I felt in that moment was pain + a tremendous sense of security, presence and connection from all 4 of them. Kurt as my partner was brilliant – we took the Bradley Method workshop with Iza and had retained all the learnings from it, putting them into place beautifully in a pressurized moment. I feel very lucky.
The ring of fire was the most intense I could have imagined since Dr. SanJose pulled me back and had me hold through two contractions in the same position with the baby half way out. This was to keep from tearing and he slowly had me ‘bleed’ the baby out of the opening. It was INTENSE and definitely the moment of pure white clarity you don’t want to ever have. But it was silent in that moment, and the end result is this beautiful person; the pain is forgotten.
The Upside to the Pain:No cord around the neck and a perfectly shaped head as a result of it not being engaged in the canal until the last minute. A winning moment all around.
The beginning stages of a brand are crucial. It has to be a perfect setting with the right groundwork. Without it, you are already sunk before you get off the dock, so we know how important the branding of our baby is and we have not been light with the development of it.
When we found out that we were having our first baby in 2013, we would talk about baby names on our decent from Mt. Beacon… it is about 30 minutes down, so we had lots of time to talk. Kurt loved the name Zai and within minutes we were both sold on it so we decided that if we had a boy it would be Zai Stefan (after his brother’s middle name). Coming up with a little girls name made us crazy once we found out Zai was actually a going to be a little girl. I had a million ideas and all of which were shot down with force by Kurt, not being the right sound, arrangement of letters or potential nickname. Eventually, out of frustration, I tried rearranging the letters for Zai and it spelled Iza.
Not sure where this name even came from, but we assume through sounding out words. And as noted above we love the idea of Iza & Zai having similar names and sharing in the letters and sounds together. Living in a Spanish speaking country the “Z’s” are pronounced liked “S’s” so their names actually sound like “Eesah” and “Sahi.” We liked that these were translatable names to most cultures.
Zái in Mandarin means “at,” so by the nature of this translation it literally means for him to be in the present moment. We love that idea since he is a Libra like his cousin Marshall, and it appears is meant to be one of the most balanced Astrological symbols.
Kurt’s brother Karl is ever present in our lives and his middle name is Stephan, but pronounced “Stefen.” In most countries it is spelled instead with an “a” before the end instead of a second “e” so we went with that. Karl is a very important part of our family, mostly because Kurt and he have a similar disposition regarding their art and feed off of each other’s creativity, collaborating regularly. We wanted Zai to have the opportunity for creativity from birth and to feel empowered to always make things knowing that we will support his ideas fully. He may end up being an accountant or bartender, but we still like the idea that his roots stem from a place of choice for a creative life.
The last time we went into labor we didn’t anticipate needing anything other than a few clothes. We lived about 40 minutes from the hospital and it was our anticipation that we would be in and out of there (what did we know?). We were pretty quick (under 28 hours), but we missed out on having a relaxing experience with our moment-old-newborn because Kurt had to rush home and make us something healthy to eat and dehydrate the placenta. We didn’t have anything ready to go or organized and as a result we paid the price in emotional and physical exhaustion. It was almost as if we got to the point of exiting the baby in preparation and then forgot about what happens next!
This time I made sure to have everything from food made to a freezer bag for the placenta. We booked a hotel for Iza and my mom and arranged car transport for them after her school. We knew how long we were planning on staying and what our day looked like after we left the hospital. I suppose it has something to do with this being our second child, too. We know how to change diapers now, afterall!
Must haves in our bags:
Technology: Laptops, Speaker, Phones, All chargers (phones, speaker and laptops)
Clothes: Birthing Dress, Slippers, Comfy Pants, Nursing Bras & Nursing Shirts, Warm Fleece Shawl, Regular Clothes for Kurt, Clothes, Burp Cloths, Cloth Diapers & Wipes for Zai
It has been a rough road with Iza since the start of the 1st trimester. I know I was the problem, but it took me until now to realize exactly how I was the problem. The reason: I changed, and stopped being Iza’s Mama right when she needed me the most. I was miserable and as a result Iza felt the effects of the change through my emotional distance. We had our nanny’s work additional hours to help supplement the time I wasn’t feeling well and for months I laid on my back staring at the ceiling and not participating. Then we went traveling for 3 months and finally moved to Antigua. Here Iza has had me more in her life than ever before, but I have not been as active physically or emotionally connected. Now that I am out from under the pregnancy cloud I am beginning to realize just how different I was. I am thrilled to be back on track and able to be there and mobile for my little girl.
We prepared for how difficult this transition was going to be by doing a few extra special things for Iza before Zai came:
We made sure her bed was done and installed and she had a special space. We established an area that belongs to Zai, but showed her how everything integrated so she could see that they were sharing.
My mom came 3 weeks early to be with Iza and spend time with her and now she is her dedicated playmate, making her feel like she has a special support system.
Iza and my mom made a special trip to Guate on the day of the birth and stayed at a hotel so they could have an adventure together, go out to dinner and swim (they did come to the hospital for an hour, but that was like a side trip, not the main attraction).
As a gift, my mom gave Iza her own boy doll to play with complete with bottles and a diaper. Iza in turn claimed a bunch of Zai’s new clothes as her babies and is really enjoying having her own “Baby.”
Other fun and distracting games like the below DIY game.
Now that we are home we are allowing Iza to participate in everything from bathing to rocking to changing Zai.
Everyday I spent at least an hour just with her. In the morning I make sure Zai is fed and sleeping again before Iza wakes, so when she comes to snuggle it is just her and my time. Then we make breakfast together and Kurt watches Zai until Iza goes to school.
DIY Color & Shape Matching Game
My mom had an idea to do a color and shape matching game, which she crafted in Iza’s honor just for this special trip together. Essentially she created a board with a bunch of shapes and had a bag full of matching shapes to place on top. This is a common Montessori practice, so Iza quickly picked up on the project and mastered the basic level very quickly.
2 1/2 years ago we welcomed our gorgeous daughter Iza into the world, in someways igniting our life together and starting a family. Read the start of our journey with Iza’s announcement which shares many of the resources we used in preparation for birth (i.e. the Bradley Method, yoga birth and supplements).
The same rules apply and here we were graced with lots of luck. We had 3 terrific Doctors at our side and it was all due to planning and questioning the process.
Thinking of delivering in Guatemala? Call on our team (all thanks to our friend Katherine who bestowed this great list upon us)!
Well, let’s start with I absolutely suck at balancing WORK and LIFE. My business is up and down, all around. Some weeks I am so busy I can’t breathe working from 3am to 9pm ignoring my daughter completely, and other days I can lounge around and answer an email here and there and play all day. The sad part is, they are almost completely equal in time to each other. So I have a balance, but maybe more of an annual balance, not a daily balance. This has made it hard to be a mother and to be consistently available, and to work towards additional career goals. I never know when I am going to have time. Planning seems impossible.
Those who are consultants will understand this statement, but feast or famine is a real thing, and it goes without saying this equates to both workload and money in our pocket. Depending on the project time period, we have to save as though we are living on a fixed income in the event that the next check is late or the project stalls, etc. It is as thought each project wraps without any intention of the next one leaving a lot open for interpretation. In that case we are often ‘hurrying up’ to stress out about where our next meal is coming from instead of being able to plan and just know that we are in a slow period. Often I just take on any project to stay busy, feeling like the quiet moments are more scary than just not having the work. At the end of the day I know that January – April are slow, as are September and the first part of October. So, why bother getting all worked up?
I am sick of having a minor heart attack every time our bank account gets low or a project doesn’t come through. It nearly always works itself out eventually. So I have made a new vow to myself and my family to take a different path forward. I am calling it my transitional state towards freedom.
To date I have:
Saved and become more thrifty. No more $5 lattes or $100 Monday night dinners.
Stopped fighting for projects I know are going to lose or have uphill battles.
Created a more balanced schedule.
Tried to lessen my project load, focusing on making money vs. exciting projects.
Only taken on projects that I can complete successfully and are going to be profitable. I’m done with risk taking.
The balance is self imposed and I am the one setting the schedule and my own standards. Wow. That is pretty awesome to write on paper. Part of my journey has been watching Kurt go through it and working with him to be a balanced family. He has never been much of a ‘dive deep and make it happen’ kind of guy. He has always been balanced (as far I can tell) and maybe even teeters on giving more time to life than to his work, which maybe hasn’t been the best idea for his career. Over the last 2 years, however, now that he is in the thick of things with his projects and our passion projects, and a family to support, I have seen a fire under his ass and a desire to work ALL THE TIME. But the sad part is my happy, sweet and loving husband/father now looks miserable. So, I have seen what the stress and frustration of a job without balance will bring to a person and I see what a toll it took on myself.
I have conceded to the idea of working for another 3 years, or until we are profitable with our passion projects, so why not enjoy every moment I am still working? I want to go out with a positive note and a fabulous clink of the champagne glasses, not feel angry and frustrated about 20 years in an industry that I grew up in. And the stress does nothing for anyone.
This morning I am up and working; doing stuff that I love for both my ‘real’ job and my ‘future’ job. I am excited and motivated, but especially thrilled that at 6:00am when my funny little girl opens her door and comes teetering out into my office and says, “Mama…” I can scoop her up in my arms and have as much time as I want to play. I make my own life and schedules now, and it will all work out with the financial stuff (or I can hope).
Most likely most of these are contained in one serving of regular breakfast cereal, even the “healthy” ones. But The Brand Fam ain’t having that!
I think I look pretty damn good for my age and I want to keep it that way. But we are sleep training Iza lately and she decided to cry for about two hours last night so Rache and I woke up in a funk. I didn’t want to make a big breakfast so I just grabbed a bunch of raw almonds, dried coconut, raisins, walnuts, raw sesame seeds, dried apricots and some fresh apple, dumped them in a bowl, dowsed them with coconut milk and dug in. A five minute Brand Fam breakfast! Combined with a side of sencha green tea from https://www.teatrekker.com/ and I was good to go!
Iza didn’t eat a damn bit of it but she really never likes to eat in the morning except from mama. But I’ll keep trying.
The Brand Fam has started its summer ’14 adventure!
We have decided to leave East Harlem for the summer and travel to Guatemala for 3 1/2 months for a work vacation. We’ve done our research, reserved our houses through Airbnb, booked our flights and now have everything in place (we hope).
The first leg of our journey began on May 23 just before Iza’s 1st birthday and we traveled to our old home of Beacon, NY to put some things in storage. I jam -packed the Prius V with all of our stuff from the East Harlem apartment and Rache and Iza took the Metro North train direct to Beacon.
After dropping all of our stuff off in storage I went to the Dia Beacon to catch the new Carl Andre show. Its an all consuming retrospective to one of the most important sculptors in contemporary minimal art. What a show! Fortunately it is showing through April ’15 so we can visit it a few more times.
Here is a link:http://www.diaart.org/press_releases/main/239
We love the Dia Beacon and think its one of the greatest contemporary art museums in the world.
After I visited the museum I went down to the Hudson to catch the beautiful views of the river. These days it always seems to be rainy and overcast but the fog on the river made for a memorable photo.
We used to have our kayaks docked here and had the pleasure of cruising up and down the river at least a couple of times when the weather was nice. Definitely miss it!
Soon it was time to pick up Rache and Iza at the train station. Rache said Iza made the trip less than pleasant, but thats how it goes sometimes.
All in all a killer start to our journey and hopefully a portent of our future travels.
Next stop Northampton, Mass…..
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Connecting for the first time for us was quite a while ride. On the agenda: lots of drinking… dancing and some randomness.
The ring of fire was the most intense I could have imagined since Dr. SanJose pulled me back and had me hold through two contractions in the same position with the baby half way out. This was to keep from tearing and he slowly had me ‘bleed’ the baby out of the opening. It was INTENSE and definitely the moment of pure white clarity you don’t want to ever have. But it was silent in that moment, and the end result is this beautiful person; the pain is forgotten.
Not sure where this name even came from, but we assume through sounding out words. And as noted above we love the idea of Iza & Zai having similar names and sharing in the letters and sounds together. Living in a Spanish speaking country the “Z’s” are pronounced liked “S’s” so their names actually sound like “Eesah” and “Sahi.” We liked that these were translatable names to most cultures.
Kurt’s brother Karl is ever present in our lives and his middle name is Stephan, but pronounced “Stefen.” In most countries it is spelled instead with an “a” before the end instead of a second “e” so we went with that. Karl is a very important part of our family, mostly because Kurt and he have a similar disposition regarding their art and feed off of each other’s creativity, collaborating regularly. We wanted Zai to have the opportunity for creativity from birth and to feel empowered to always make things knowing that we will support his ideas fully. He may end up being an accountant or bartender, but we still like the idea that his roots stem from a place of choice for a creative life.
It has been a rough road with Iza since the start of the 1st trimester. I know I was the problem, but it took me until now to realize exactly how I was the problem. The reason: I changed, and stopped being Iza’s Mama right when she needed me the most. I was miserable and as a result Iza felt the effects of the change through my emotional distance. We had our nanny’s work additional hours to help supplement the time I wasn’t feeling well and for months I laid on my back staring at the ceiling and not participating. Then we went traveling for 3 months and finally moved to Antigua. Here Iza has had me more in her life than ever before, but I have not been as active physically or emotionally connected. Now that I am out from under the pregnancy cloud I am beginning to realize just how different I was. I am thrilled to be back on track and able to be there and mobile for my little girl.
We prepared for how difficult this transition was going to be by doing a few extra special things for Iza before Zai came:
DIY Color & Shape Matching Game
