Holding on for Dear Life

At the computer 2

I have been so busy with work for the last 3 months that I have hardly had a chance to look up and see the surroundings. Sad considering we are located on the titled and celebrated “most beautiful lake in the world.” For all I knew, I could have been in a black box located in Siberia. Now, when I look in front of me I don’t see something I have invested myself into, I see a postcard of a potential future experience. But it feels unattainable to relish in the moment.

I believe many people are like me, they are just literally trying to hold on as the sea of work piles up. No matter what is going on – my daughters birthday, my mom’s wedding, my friend’s crises, I am preoccupied with something else and just going through the expected motions. I give a 1000 percent at work and the bare minimum at home. I am always tired, and always behind. I just feel like I am running on the wheel of life and my stop hasn’t come up yet.

At 33, I am in the middle of my career – a vital point which cannot be ignored; if I stop now, will I drop off the radar? Will I lose all opportunities? I hold onto fear which is a tremendous driver in this unhealthy cycle. But beyond opportunities, another primary fear is money. When will the money dry up and another recession hit? When will we need money for a rainy day? As the current bread-winner, I feel a pressure to succeed on a lot of levels.

But at what cost? Such a crappy way of non-living.

I hit a breaking point two Friday’s ago and I have just had enough of my own excuses.I want to come out from this cloud I have placed above my head and I am determined to be present in my own life again; to finally be able to enjoy time with family, friends and experience this first leg of our Brand Fam journey together. I am ready to stop, reposition and gear up to go in a new, healthier direction. (This, however, sounds good on paper, but I don’t know how to transition and to push beyond my current state.)

All comments and advice are welcome.

At the computer 3