New York Times Article Review: A Portrait of a Modern Family

Ra'Co Life New York Times Article Review Portrait of a Modern Family

The New York Times, one of the most appreciated publications on the planet, just published an article on the American family. They titled it: Stressed, Tired, Rushed: A Portrait of the Modern Family. It showcased many of the issues we as families face today by being stretch too thin; the inability to be there for everything you need to be. But they are all choices we make and we all have the ability to shift or adjust to make them differently. The article was not reflective of the entire population, but the comments on the article by the readers really demonstrated a broad spectrum of opinions and life experiences related.

What’s Missing?

What the article didn’t showcase was real opportunities for change for this ‘typical American family.’ The article had very few solutions and a lot of banter about what is not working. It didn’t account for the millennial population of out-of-the-box workplace scenarios and lacked content around alternative lifestyles like communities, expatriate living, or families who have worked out schedules to be home at opposite times to co-parent.

One other element not considered in the article: there is no talk about balancing behaviors like more sleep, a better diet and general health of the people they are showcasing. We find that often the main reasons people are stressed, tired and rushed is due to being overweight, sleep deprived and sickly, unable to function at 100%. Work becomes less productive and life is less enjoyable. All of this can be avoided through preventative health.

Kurt and I know this first hand because we’ve been there. When we first had Iza, we had just gotten two huge contracts. To fit it all in, we stayed up after Iza was asleep… we became sleep deprived and then ate poorly and drank too much to ease the pain. We stopped meditating and stopped exercising. Not only did we feel terrible, but we found that we were spinning and hardly getting any work done. We had strayed too far from our values, so we stopped, reevaluated and initiated a plan which supported our lifestyle.

What we love about this article is that it says what many of us are thinking all the time. It speaks to the realities many families face in the general workplace… the one with no life balance or boundaries.

Balancing Life with Work

Well, let’s start with I absolutely suck at balancing WORK and LIFE. My business is up and down, all around. Some weeks I am so busy I can’t breathe working from 3am to 9pm ignoring my daughter completely, and other days I can lounge around and answer an email here and there and play all day. The sad part is, they are almost completely equal in time to each other. So I have a balance, but maybe more of an annual balance, not a daily balance. This has made it hard to be a mother and to be consistently available, and to work towards additional career goals. I never know when I am going to have time. Planning seems impossible.

Those who are consultants will understand this statement, but feast or famine is a real thing, and it goes without saying this equates to both workload and money in our pocket. Depending on the project time period, we have to save as though we are living on a fixed income in the event that the next check is late or the project stalls, etc. It is as thought each project wraps without any intention of the next one leaving a lot open for interpretation.  In that case we are often ‘hurrying up’ to stress out about where our next meal is coming from instead of being able to plan and just know that we are in a slow period. Often I just take on any project to stay busy, feeling like the quiet moments are more scary than just not having the work. At the end of the day I know that January – April are slow, as are September and the first part of October. So, why bother getting all worked up?

I am sick of having a minor heart attack every time our bank account gets low or a project doesn’t come through. It nearly always works itself out eventually. So I have made a new vow to myself and my family to take a different path forward. I am calling it my transitional state towards freedom.

To date I have:

  • Saved and become more thrifty. No more $5 lattes or $100 Monday night dinners.
  • Stopped fighting for projects I know are going to lose or have uphill battles.
  • Created a more balanced schedule.
  • Tried to lessen my project load, focusing on making money vs. exciting projects.
  • Only taken on projects that I can complete successfully and are going to be profitable. I’m done with risk taking.

The balance is self imposed and I am the one setting the schedule and my own standards. Wow. That is pretty awesome to write on paper. Part of my journey has been watching Kurt go through it and working with him to be a balanced family. He has never been much of a ‘dive deep and make it happen’ kind of guy. He has always been balanced (as far I can tell) and maybe even teeters on giving more time to life than to his work, which maybe hasn’t been the best idea for his career. Over the last 2 years, however, now that he is in the thick of things with his projects and our passion projects, and a family to support, I have seen a fire under his ass and a desire to work ALL THE TIME. But the sad part is my happy, sweet and loving husband/father now looks miserable. So, I have seen what the stress and frustration of a job without balance will bring to a person and I see what a toll it took on myself.

I have conceded to the idea of working for another 3 years, or until we are profitable with our passion projects, so why not enjoy every moment I am still working? I want to go out with a positive note and a fabulous clink of the champagne glasses, not feel angry and frustrated about 20 years in an industry that I grew up in. And the stress does nothing for anyone.

This morning I am up and working; doing stuff that I love for both my ‘real’ job and my ‘future’ job. I am excited and motivated, but especially thrilled that at 6:00am when my funny little girl opens her door and comes teetering out into my office and says, “Mama…” I can scoop her up in my arms and have as much time as I want to play. I make my own life and schedules now, and it will all work out with the financial stuff  (or I can hope).