I woke up this morning and felt terrible. Perhaps a case of the Monday’s but I was in the can’t-get-out-of-bed mode. In addition I opened my email and got a rejection letter from a pattern organization I really wanted to below to.
So here I am already calling it a day and watching the Oscars (since it wouldn’t air realtime outside of the States). This incredible show in its 87th year is by far the most intriguing 3 hours of television. It is so well orchestrated and offers a natural close to the end of a movie season. In the past 3 years I have had motivation to watch with one of my Step-Sisters attending as a guest of their Aunt Rebecca, and the other two acting as ‘seat warmers’… trying to catch a glimpse of their debut on the red carpet. But this year I actually was excited about the movies and really was curious about the show itself. Neil Patrick Harris is such an interesting presenter and actor.
I have been thinking about the point of why it matters to be rewarded, and if the act of the work itself and the efforts surrounding it are in fact enough. The red carpet review started with Michael Keaton up for Birdman as the Best Leading Actor. He called this the “Super Bowl or the 7th inning for the final stretch of the movie.” I had to think about that comment, especially when Julianne Moore said exactly the opposite with her 5th Oscar Nomination within reach. She said, “It doesn’t always happen and I have been in the business for a long time and so I just appreciate when it happens.” She also went onto describe her role in Still Alice and her heartfelt journey through understanding Alzheimer’s disease and the importance of putting emphasis on finding a cure.
What a difference between the two. In someways I love the raw honesty of Michael Keaton and his need to win, but it is hard to deny the heartfelt heroism of Julianne Moore’s appreciation for her role in doing good. So I started thinking about my loss with the pattern site and what is really important to me.
I seems to me that there are several schools of thought:
- Do your best because you have pride and want to feel good about what you do. You are winner for you.
- Do your best so you can shine bright for everyone else’s hopes and dreams. You are a winner for everyone.
- Do your best so you can win an award and tick off a box. You are the winner.
But it is also the same for loss. There are several types of loss which help to support each of those items:
- Loss you potentially did not do your best
- Loss for everyone’s hopes and dreams
- Loss of the award for your own self esteem and self purpose
In my loss of acceptance I realized I wasn’t doing my best and I wasn’t thinking about that particular company and what they might have been looking for. I am simply rushing my efforts and not acting as a true artist – I am looking at just ‘getting something done’ for a potential win to tick the box instead of doing the best I could for me.